As human beings, man or woman, we are naturally inclined to want to do any and everything that is presented to us from the world. We do things because they seem fun or interesting to us. We do things because we have the ability to do them. We do things because people tell us we cannot do them. But most of all, most of us do things because people ask us to and we gain self-confidence and fulfillment from doing so. Though having the ability and mental capacity to take on many things at once that will in turn help others and somewhat fulfill you is a good trait, it can also be a curse if not managed properly. 

For my entire life ever since I can remember, I was the independent child and sibling who did not ever need much help or attention. I am good at a number of things and even what I do not know, I am quick at learning and figuring out and it has always been this way. Because of those things, amongst others, I was always chosen as the leader in group projects or group discussions in school and left to do things on my own without help. These are not roles I sought out or even wanted in a lot of cases but my work ethic and passion labeled me reliant and dependable so people always trusted me to aid in the delivery of a successful product or to reach that needed end goal. Well those times, without me even realizing it then, are when I found out parts of who I was and still am today. I am dependable, smart, and focused enough to reach any goal set before me and since others see that in me, it gives me that extra push to want to do everything they think I can and more. When I see the smile of a pleased relative or friend, boss or business partner at the success of what they asked me to achieve, I am immediately fulfilled. I am fulfilled no matter what that task took away from or added onto my own responsibilities and time. I am fufilled and there is a renewed sense of faith in myself and my abilities to contribute to the world. Hell, I am SuperWoman who saved the day at that point and it feels good...but for how long? 

The goodness of those moments do not last when you go back to your own life and your own tasks and realize while you were out saving the world, you forgot about that really important thing that you had to do for you and your life in order for it to run as smoothly as possible or you only have ten minutes left before you were supposed to meet a deadline for something that you would personally reap the benefits of later. This is where the curse in the gift of being able to do any and everything arises. You have agreed to save the world and let everyone and everything around you come and take parts of you and apply them where they need to as if you are a bank account of free money that everyone has the account information to. You allow people to take from you and use you to help their lives but who's helping you? Once you have experienced those temporary deposits of happiness in the form of smiles, thank you(s), and you're the best(s), from doing for others, you are empty. YOU ARE EMPTY. There is no wealth of fulfillment left for you to give to anyone else or use to make yourself happy. There is nothing at all wrong with being that dependable and reliable person to your friends, family, work colleagues, or business partners. It is actually a great trait and will take you many places, allow you to elevate to the highest levels, and bring you much joy BUT you have to use it in a healthy manner. You have to wake up one day and decide okay, enough is enough, I have been looking out for everyone and giving so much of myself that I am not happy and I am so tired to the point that I have no time and energy to give back to myself. Once we SuperMen and SuperWomen reach this point of realization that we all have to reach at some point, our lives will change. 

After being here on earth for this brief 23 years, I recently woke up and realized I had reached that point. I came to the realization over a few months that I was not happy. I felt so empty and lost and knew in my heart of hearts that no matter how great my life looked and how happy I tried to make myself seem, everything was falling apart inside of me. I realized that I should probably do some things differently. I did not only want change at this point, I NEEDED CHANGE to ensure my sanity. So I came up with a plan or a path to follow that I simply told myself I would not stray away from because I already knew what it looked like if I did but what I did not know was what it would look like if I stuck to it. I began to change my life by sitting down and going over my life in my head and on paper. I thought about all the many ways I was blessed and then I marinated on the reasons I felt so empty, down, and unfulfilled, if I was indeed so blessed. I found out that I had more blessings than anything. I also found out there were a lot of things and people as well as my own routine and unhealthy behaviors in the way of those blessings blossoming in full so that they could be 100% useful to me. Now came, what I originally viewed as the "HARD" part of the process. How could I get rid of things and people that brought me partial happiness, fulfillment, and that I was just so used to? What then would I have to make me happy at all and what then would I do, were my worries. 

WELL! I am here to tell you, I contacted some of the people that I had been dragging along on my back and told them politely and in the best way I knew how, that I could no longer carry them. I informed them that I could no longer place them before myself and check for their peace before I checked for my own. When questions came to the forefront about where this was coming from or what they had done wrong, I declined in most cases to even tell them how they were wrong. I instead told them it was actually a decision that I decided I needed to make for myself. I MADE A DECISION TO BE BETTER FOR MYSELF. Though they may have done things to help push me to this point of realization, I am still the master of my fate and the captain of my soul so I decided that the way I had been going about life was wrong and that I loved myself enough to make a change and learn to love myself even more during the process. Others who I felt I no longer needed in my life, I did not bother to put on notice. I just decided that the next time they contact me in need of something, cause that is truly the only times they contacted me, I would simply say no to whatever it is that they were requesting of me because I was busy getting my own life together. I decided I needed to change learned but wrong behaviors and I am still changing them as I type this sentence. We learn bad habits and force ourselves into cycles of abuse and distress knowingly and unknowingly, doing the things we have always done in the ways that we have always done them, never stepping back to reevaluate them to see if change is necessary or simply ignoring the signs that change is needed because it seems hard. IT SEEMS HARD. It is sadly easier to do what we have always done a lot of times, no matter how right or wrong it is instead of making a change and finding a new way of operating because "new" and change scares us. NEW AND CHANGE SCARES US!

But I realized that old and routine was not bringing new joy and fulfillment to my life so change was necessary.  I decided that I would still help where I could and allow God to use me to help others with the abilities he gifted me but I decided I had to do everything for me or because I wanted to and not because someone was asking or because I wanted to prove people wrong or because it is what they expected of me. I decided I would live life and do any and everything I can do but most of all DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO FOR ME. I am have ridded my life of the things and people that only take from me and leave no water behind to water my wealth. I decided I did not want to go on killing myself being pulled right and left in between smiles and thank you(s). I am living my life without people that I thought would be around forever or a lot longer than their small season in my life. Some of those people still reach out wanting something from me to help them feel better or to add to their ego and peace and I simply say no, thank you. I can relax and breathe easier. I am only carrying the weight of my own life. I am not where I want to be by any means and I am still shaking the dirt from past situations and people off of me but I see the light. I am a plant and I have grown my limbs above the dirt to reach out and pour the water of blessings that have always been mine, down into my pot so that I can grow out of it and flourish into the amazing flower God intended for me to be. I have never felt better and I am falling in love with every inch of Destiny Delores Owens. I encourage each and everyone of you to take that step in your life to experience new. It is scary and it will not be all rainbows, gold, and glitter but it will definitely be worth it. Learn the things you can do for you to make yourself happy. All the right things and people will then enter your life accordingly. You may start this journey alone but by God, you will not end it that way. Instead of fearing what you do not know right now, use what you do know to take the steps toward creating that fulfilling life you want for yourself. Just remember to DO IT FOR YOU and DO IT WITHOUT REGRET! 

I wish all you SUPERMEN and SUPERWOMEN much peace and many blessings on your new journey! 

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